Finding the Path One Step at a Time

Today I want to share a confession of sorts I wrote to child hood friend.  It explains some of my path to this point...I think the names have been changed to protect the Innocent but if not know that I love you all.

I always knew we were like minded. Interestingly enough I think I practice the same religion you do. What feels right or I did until somewhere along the way I lost myself to my career and family obligations. I had my first Reiki opening in my 20's and it was done by Diane Stein herself...I've done rituals with Margo Adler and Z-Budapest. I studied for a year with a Iroquois medicine woman.

My mentor who died a couple of years ago said I was one of the strongest healers who ever sat in her circle. She thought I was born a crone. At one time I could diagnose cancer and illness months before the doctor but it seems to have left me and I feel lost. Perhaps is was losing my best friend and my mentor within months of one another to cancer. I always felt I should have been able to do more. I helped Chrissy the first 5 years after her breast cancer but then her partner got mad at me because I couldn't take the cancer away completely. From that point forward Chris wouldn't let me help her. Even on her death bed I tried but she was done fighting and I couldn't reach her. 

My mentor died of brain cancer. The last time I saw her she asked me to look and see what was there and all I could see was where the cancer had been and the void left in her energetic field by radiation. I got scared that it was all a lie and I was being punished for thinking I had the ability to direct energy for good.

In February mom died, she had been sick for a while. I took care of her for five years. No time to work on my spiritual path or finding my center.

Now I have decided that I'm no good to anyone including myself until I find my way back to my purpose. I'm blogging to find my way back. We can compare our paths and wonder. Thanks for reaching out. I've always loved you. Blessed be...

I appreciate that my childhood friend reached out to let me know that she care even after 40 years.    Anyone else who wants to reach out and share their story I'm here ready to support and sustain  you as you will me.  Look for the next post...I'll be talking about how fear paralyzes us on our journey.

Finding your Path to Self

Do you ever wonder:  what happened to the innocence and wonder we approached life with as children?  Believing that magic was possible and miracles happened every day.  I miss that innocence.  I am, through this Blog, trying to find my way back to believing in magic and miracles. 

I sruggle daily with my Roman Catholic up bringing and my belief in our ability as human to channel earth energy.  I don't think these two are mutually exclusive but the modern church has demonized magic and the use of energy to heal and help.  Some how as we grow in one relationship we are forced to turn our backs on the other.  I actually think this is a man made concept. 

When I was innocent and allowed myself to believe that all things are possible, both magic and miracles made perfect sence.  I believed I could be a practicing Catholic and still do magic.  Naturally I believed that all power came from an all loving God.  The light and energy I channeled was a gift from this all loving God, and I was expected to use it for good.  To heal the sick, give hope to the poor, and make small miracles each day. 

Then someone suggested that magic was of the devil, dark side and I was a sinner because I used it. I started to doubt both the power of magic and the power of an all loving God.  I walked away from both.  I stopped knowing which way to go so I sat on the fence and that is where I continue to sit.  Doing nothing with the gifts I have been blessed.     I need to find my way back to a place where I know both are possible and expected.  Today I am starting that journey.