Christmas 2012

Merry Christmas.Solstice.Hanukkah.Kwanzaa.etc.

It is a good time of year for family, friends and gatherings. Since my mom passed and I'm getting older the shine on Christmas has lost it's sparkle. I see greed, and consumerism all around me.

I wish we would allow one another to worship as we choose. It used to be that the Christ child's story was told on every TV and Radio channel, in song as carolers sang everywhere. This year I noticed that even the Mormon Tabernacle Choirs show was secular. I don't consider myself religious and don't claim to be a good Catholic; let alone a Christian, but I do believe the story of Jesus' birth should not be lost in being politically correct, greed and consumerism.

The story of Jesus is about hope. It is about believing in something bigger than each of us, all of us. This whole series of holidays was constructed (timing) to bring Christians, Pagans and Jews together so that they could co-exist peacefully. Each group told their own stories about what made their faith important and it provided each group a reason to believe; to believe in magic and miracles for the next year. 

For next year I pray that when this day comes again I will see love; unconditional everlasting love. Love for the stranger, love for the lonely, love for the poor, love for the homeless and love for one another. I pray that love and respect for one another overpower the evil, cruelty, of greed and consumerism. I pray that exploitation of the young, helpless and the old is over shadowed by our unconditional, undying love for one another.  May each of you experience the unconditional love of a Higher Power and that you continue (or start) to believe in magic and miracles.

Blessings on you all…

The Wyrd Weaver  

 

How long a year can be?

A year ago I started a blog about how I was going to find myself but I couldn't talk about it or write about it because it was such a personal journey.  Needless to say I went to the edge and almost didn't step back. 

Now with many of my powers back and the future being neither a forgone conclusion nor a complete mystery, I can blog about life from a different perspective.

In the last year I learned:

•  I do believe in vampires.  Not the blood lust ones from the books and movies but the kind that suck the energy and life right out of people until they are all but dead.  These are people who give nothing back to society, relationships or humanity.  They take but never pay for what they are given freely. 


• I also learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be.  Grief and loss takes time to heal and each of us does it in our own time and in our own way.  It can take years or I may die trying to heal from some loses and that is okay too.


• I am not my job nor are my colleagues my family.  It is work.  I get paid for it and no amount of pay is worth the pain some jobs can cause in a life.


• I can not do everything alone, as much of a super woman as I want to be...I can not, we need one another for support.


• I am fragile like very thin glass but strong like titanium.


• I remembered how to cry.


• I remembered how to forgive.


• I am blessed daily, hourly and every second.  Each breath I take is a gift and a prayer all at the same time.


• I am grateful for life, and being able to live like there may not be a tomorrow.


• Dis-ease is something many of us manifest because of self-hatred.  I refuse to hate myself for my past, my present or anything I do in the future.  I have always done the best I could with what I have been given.


• True Love is unconditional and should never be taken for granted.

Rejoice with me during this holiday season...for I have learned much and more. 

The Wyrd Weaver

Fear is the Mind Killer

Fear is an interesting concept. It keeps us from our path. We fear being alone, different, odd or disconnected from the rest of humanity. Life is full of fear. Our parents instill it in us from the moment of our birth.

I hate being afraid. It is unproductive; it holds me back and keeps me from fulfilling the covenants I made before I enter this plain of existence. The Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear from the Dune novels by Frank Herbert resonates with me:

“Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain." Bene Gesserit Litany against Fear

I believe in facing my fears, head on, no holds barred. I’ve done things I should have been afraid of but at the time I was experiencing that “20 seconds of insane courage” which comes at the most amazing moments. Miracles and magic happen in those seconds. I forgot where I was and who I was and why I should be afraid and went ahead and did it anyway. Great things happened when I was unafraid.

So why am I so afraid to face who I am supposed to be and why have I stop having those “20 seconds of insane courage”?

Finding the Path One Step at a Time

Today I want to share a confession of sorts I wrote to child hood friend.  It explains some of my path to this point...I think the names have been changed to protect the Innocent but if not know that I love you all.

I always knew we were like minded. Interestingly enough I think I practice the same religion you do. What feels right or I did until somewhere along the way I lost myself to my career and family obligations. I had my first Reiki opening in my 20's and it was done by Diane Stein herself...I've done rituals with Margo Adler and Z-Budapest. I studied for a year with a Iroquois medicine woman.

My mentor who died a couple of years ago said I was one of the strongest healers who ever sat in her circle. She thought I was born a crone. At one time I could diagnose cancer and illness months before the doctor but it seems to have left me and I feel lost. Perhaps is was losing my best friend and my mentor within months of one another to cancer. I always felt I should have been able to do more. I helped Chrissy the first 5 years after her breast cancer but then her partner got mad at me because I couldn't take the cancer away completely. From that point forward Chris wouldn't let me help her. Even on her death bed I tried but she was done fighting and I couldn't reach her. 

My mentor died of brain cancer. The last time I saw her she asked me to look and see what was there and all I could see was where the cancer had been and the void left in her energetic field by radiation. I got scared that it was all a lie and I was being punished for thinking I had the ability to direct energy for good.

In February mom died, she had been sick for a while. I took care of her for five years. No time to work on my spiritual path or finding my center.

Now I have decided that I'm no good to anyone including myself until I find my way back to my purpose. I'm blogging to find my way back. We can compare our paths and wonder. Thanks for reaching out. I've always loved you. Blessed be...

I appreciate that my childhood friend reached out to let me know that she care even after 40 years.    Anyone else who wants to reach out and share their story I'm here ready to support and sustain  you as you will me.  Look for the next post...I'll be talking about how fear paralyzes us on our journey.

Finding your Path to Self

Do you ever wonder:  what happened to the innocence and wonder we approached life with as children?  Believing that magic was possible and miracles happened every day.  I miss that innocence.  I am, through this Blog, trying to find my way back to believing in magic and miracles. 

I sruggle daily with my Roman Catholic up bringing and my belief in our ability as human to channel earth energy.  I don't think these two are mutually exclusive but the modern church has demonized magic and the use of energy to heal and help.  Some how as we grow in one relationship we are forced to turn our backs on the other.  I actually think this is a man made concept. 

When I was innocent and allowed myself to believe that all things are possible, both magic and miracles made perfect sence.  I believed I could be a practicing Catholic and still do magic.  Naturally I believed that all power came from an all loving God.  The light and energy I channeled was a gift from this all loving God, and I was expected to use it for good.  To heal the sick, give hope to the poor, and make small miracles each day. 

Then someone suggested that magic was of the devil, dark side and I was a sinner because I used it. I started to doubt both the power of magic and the power of an all loving God.  I walked away from both.  I stopped knowing which way to go so I sat on the fence and that is where I continue to sit.  Doing nothing with the gifts I have been blessed.     I need to find my way back to a place where I know both are possible and expected.  Today I am starting that journey.